


picking up the broken pieces

by dameronbarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, little bit of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 19:59:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5715238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dameronbarnes/pseuds/dameronbarnes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony stumbles upon some highly classified S.H.I.E.L.D. files on the Winter Soldier. What he didn't notice was said Winter Soldier behind him, watching himself being turned into a weapon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	picking up the broken pieces

**Author's Note:**

> I asked myself "how would Bucky react to seeing himself as the Winter Soldier" and then this fic happened. Comments and tips are always appreciated! Enjoy!

It was Tony who found the videos.

He had been looking for some old footage of Steve from his early days as the Star Spangled Man. Any photos or videos with him in tights would serve as good blackmail if the occasion ever arose. 

He didn’t mean to stumble upon a very old, highly classified S.H.I.E.L.D. file comprised of multiple photos and videos. Some of the titles were in English, some in Russian. 

Tony, being Tony, let his curiosity get the best of him and got J.A.R.V.I.S. to start hacking the file to see what it was.

About five hours later, Tony wished he had never found that file. Each photo a black and white, blurry image of a well built man, with long hair and a metal arm. He wore a mask covering most of his face, and was shown aiming a sniper.

As Tony quickly flipped through the photos, his stomach sank further into the ground. 

Then he got to the videos.

He looked around his workshop. Making sure he was alone.

With a shaking finger, Tony pressed play on the first video.

What he was met with was horrifying. 

Tony breathed in a shaking breath as he staggered backward.

About thirty seconds later he forcefully waved his hand across the screen to stop the video and put it away.

Why the sick minds behind Hydra thought it would be good to keep record of their brainwashing procedure, Tony could not fathom.

The video was 19 minutes and 20 seconds. Each moment filled with the agonizing screams and groans of Bucky Barnes, at that time the Winter Soldier, as he has his mind wiped.

Tony felt bile creeping up his throat. He could not believe how anyone could do that.

Couldn’t even begin to imagine what must have been running through Alexander Pierce’s horrible mind as he simply walked out of the room. Away from the human he had turned into a weapon.

Now he understood why he had never seen these videos before, why they were highly classified.

He had never felt so much rage toward a single person. If you went to the dictionary and looked for ‘literal human garbage’, Tony would guarantee that there would be a picture of Pierce.

But his mind quickly went back to the image of Bucky. Right hand trembling as the chair he was strapped to dipped backward and the metal pieces were placed on his face.

His terrified blue eyes quickly closing as the pain overtook him and the machine began to rip apart his mind.

Tony went to the file to close it and saw another video, but this one didn’t take place in the same Hydra facility.

The title of the video was _Helicarrier Attack, Security Cam 5 and 19, Winter Soldier, CLASSIFIED._

Tony pressed play. This video was shorter and included Steve, and Sam.

The Soldier flung a wire at the Falcon’s large wings, and yanked him down onto the helicarrier. 

With one wing torn off, the Winter Soldier grabbed Sam and hurled him off the side of the helicarrier.

The video fuzzed and changed to a different scene. This time with Steve using all of his might to lift a fallen beam off of Bucky. Who then forcefully grabbed Steve and began throwing punches as soon as he was free.

The video showed Steve, face swollen and red, falling from the helicarrier. The last shot was of Bucky’s metal arm letting go of a beam and falling after Steve.

The footage ended and Tony was at a loss for words.

He shook his head and tried to ground himself. To not get carried away in his thoughts.

It had been three months since they had found Bucky. His memories were steadily returning and Steve especially couldn’t have been prouder.

They were growing closer as Steve helped Bucky with training, finding his way around the tower, and adjusting to his new life.

He was also the only one able to console Bucky after one of his brutal nightmares that woke up almost everyone in the tower.   
Which happened often.

Bucky was still hesitant around the team and was only starting to get the hang of everyday life. For the first two weeks he was with them he forgot to eat, sleep and clean himself on multiple occasions.

It was with tremendous surprise that he learned that he didn’t have to obey orders, and could eat and move around freely, whenever he wanted. Without watching his back constantly or carrying a knife under the black hoodie he usually wore.

Although that didn’t stop him from carrying the knife.

Tony was startled as he suddenly heard the sound of a mug shattering on the floor.

He looked up and saw the unmistakable outline of a hoodie. The black hoodie.

 _Son of a bitch,_ Tony thought. _How long has he been here?_

Bucky never made a sound when he walked, a skill he acquired over many years of stealth missions. And old habits die hard.

From the stunned look on Bucky’s face, and the shattered mug on the ground with puddles of water around it, Tony already knew that he had seen the footage.

“Bucky.. I-I didn’t know what the videos were of. I never would have opened them if I knew,” Tony rambled, slightly stepping towards Bucky.

Bucky didn’t say a word. He was staring straight ahead, a lump stuck in his throat.

Tony looked down, and clenched his fists. “Those _bastards,_ ” he whispered.

Bucky pursed his lips. “They weren’t the only ones in the footage hurting people,” he said gruffly.

Tony’s head snapped up, mouth slightly open. 

“Bucky,” he said in a strong tone, “don’t you dare blame–”

But Bucky had already turned and left.

Upstairs, in their shared bedroom, Steve rested against the headboard of the bed reading a book.

Well, there were two bedrooms on the floor, but Steve spent so many nights huddled up against his best friend there wasn’t much use for a second bed.

He glanced at the clock beside him that read 12:03AM. Steve’s eyebrows furrowed as he wondered where Bucky could possibly be. He had only gone to the main kitchen in the tower to get a glass of water, he shouldn’t have been gone for over half an hour.

Steve folded the page where he left off in his book and looked towards the ceiling.

“J.A.R.V.I.S., where’s Bucky?”

“Sergeant Barnes is currently exiting the elevator onto your floor, sir.”

“Thanks J.A.R.V.I.S.,” Steve called as he left the room to meet Bucky.

He stepped into the main area of their floor to see Bucky walking away from a closing elevator. With his head down, and his hair not tied back, Steve didn’t see his stormy expression.

“Hey Buck,” Steve said with a smile, reaching out to put his hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

Instead of smiling back like he usually did, Bucky stepped to the side to avoid Steve’s hand. He continued walking and went into the bedroom opposite the one they shared.

Steve became pretty worried at this point considering the last time Bucky had slept by himself was when he had had a particularly violent nightmare, and was afraid of hurting Steve.

That was over a month ago.

Steve followed Bucky into the room and hovered by the door as Bucky sat on the edge of the bed.

“Bucky, are you ok?” Steve asked tentatively, walking to the edge of the bed.

Bucky tilted his head slightly and looked up at Steve through the tangles of his brown hair. Eyes filled with anger, sorrow, and guilt, and brimmed with tears.

“That’s not me,” Bucky said quietly, shaking his head.

“What do you mean, Buck? What happened while you were gone all this time?” Steve asked sitting on the edge of the bed near Bucky.

“I… I saw what they made me. I tried to push it away. Forget that part of me. But now I know, I’ll never be who I was,” he said quietly.

Bucky looked at the floor again and slowly curled his metal hand into a tight fist. 

“I’m a weapon, a monster.”

Steve couldn’t find the right words to say. Then he squared his jaw and moved closer to Bucky.

“You are not a monster. The sons of bitches at Hydra did this to you, and you know it. Bucky–”

Bucky shot up from the bed and stood over Steve.

_“I’M NOT HIM ANYMORE, STEVE. WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THAT?”_

Bucky stared Steve straight in the eye, breathing heavily. Tears began to silently fall down his face as his angry composure crumbled.

Steve was taken back. Mouth slightly open from Bucky’s outburst. But there was no way in hell he was going to let his best friend think like that.

He stood up and walked around Bucky until he was facing him.

“You are not what they made you. I see you everyday, struggling to fight it. You get up and out of bed every damn day even though I know you dread it. You try, Buck. To be better, to do better,” Steve said forcefully.

“You are a goddamn fighter and you are my best friend and that will never change. You may not be the same person you used to be but neither am I. We’ve changed, but don’t you ever think for a _second_ that you are what they made you.”

Steve finished and took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair.

“I love you, Buck. Know that I will always love you.”

Bucky looked up. Tears still falling from his eyes.

He sniffed and wiped his nose using the sleeve of his hoodie.

“You make me want to fight, to get better. Now… I do it for me too. Because you’ve helped me realize that I’m worth it.”

Bucky stepped towards Steve and wrapped his arms around his waist securely. Steve put his arms around Bucky.

A moment passed. “Till the end of the line,” Bucky said softly.

Steve hugged Bucky tighter and felt a wave of relief wash over him.

Bucky was holding Steve so tightly that he might have left a bruise, but as if Steve cared. Bucky nuzzled his head in Steve’s neck and inhaled deeply.

Steve could feel Bucky relax in his arms and let his head drop onto Bucky’s shoulder.

Just the feeling of his best friend in his arms was enough to bring him to tears.

After a few blissful minutes, Bucky pulled back slightly and looked at Steve.

“Can we go to bed now?” he said with a slight blush.

Steve smiled. “Of course, lets go,” he said as he brushed Bucky’s hair behind his ears.

He gently took Bucky’s hand and led him to their room. Leaving all of their fears and doubts behind them.


End file.
